Do you have a sense of dread that you just can’t shake off?

Do you feel like you constantly have to rehearse what you say before you say it? 

Do you constantly dwell on the past or the future, or all the what-if’s, or worry what other people think?

Anxiety can haunt us day and night. It can leave us desperately wanting to shut off the noise in our brains. Overthinking something that seems small and then becoming an out of control spiral. Anxiety can cause us so much physical tension that can leave us constantly tense and achy.

Anxiety is a state of stress, stuck in fight-or-flight, or freeze, mode. Our bodies become flooded with stress chemicals that tell us we are in danger and prepare us to run for it or put up a fight. Our heart rate is often increased, our breath becomes shallow, not unlike when we are actually exercising. It leaves us exhausted. 

Anxiety can lead to depression, sleep disruptions, bouts of under or over eating. Anxiety can lead to a state of inaction, in freeze mode, like a “deer in the headlight” situation while knowing you “should” do something. 

Tools all over Google

It’s true, there are tools all over the internet for anxiety. There are all sorts of relaxation and meditation exercises you can Google. Many tools on the internet are very effective, such as breathing exercises, meditation, journaling, etc.

But these tools don’t work for everyone. Sometimes trying to relax or meditate can make the noises in your head even louder. If you have ADHD, you may know how counterproductive being still can be. Sometimes, folks have been battling anxiety for so long they don’t remember how to relax anymore, or what that even feels like.

Anxiety can be contagious

Have you ever been in a space where a person starts yawning and if it goes on long enough, everyone else starts yawning?

That is the function of mirror neurons. 

Mirror neurons allow people the ability to have empathy, that we are able to relate to, instinctively, what another person is likely experiencing. For example, if you were to see someone slip and fall on a patch of ice, you probably would have a gut reaction, a cringe, and feel for them. You might empathize with their physical pain, and you might empathize that they might feel embarrassed. 

Through an evolutionary lens, anxiety is not only important for an individual's survival, it is important for the entire tribe’s survival. If you bump into a predator, you’d better be in fight-or-flight mode. And if you come back to the tribe in a state of anxiety, it is important that members of your tribe sense anxiety as well so that they are on alert for danger. Anxiety is a primal and contagious instinct that protects the herd.

I call anxiety a very contagious emotion. It often shows up in family members, it rarely affects only one member of a family. 

This is where tools found on the internet can fall short. 

How counselling can help

The counselling space is an important tool in intervening and mastering anxiety. The goal is not to get rid of anxiety permanently. Just as we don’t want to get rid of hunger permanently, anxiety is a mechanism that keeps us safe by alerting us of danger.

Anxiety that gets in the way of living, is like having a faulty fire alarm. There is an issue in the nervous system that keeps setting off false alarms. You would want the fire alarm to go off if there’s a real fire, but you wouldn’t want it to go off every time you cook a meal. A brain with anxiety has learned to be very good at sounding that alarm when it comes to perceiving danger.

When we work together, you would have the opportunity to reset and rewire your nervous system leveraging mirror neurons in real time, like a baby duck imprinting on mama duck. 

Having a counsellor to work with is very different from googling tools and practicing relaxation on your own. It’s like learning to drive from a video game vs learning to drive in a real car.

Anxiety can be tamed. I have seen time and time again clients progressively take control of that anxiety. When you have that anxiety under control, you will find that you are more relaxed and easy to be, and easy to be around. You would be able to take opportunities and live life with confidence. And when you grab those opportunities, whether it is with school, work, or developing friendships, you would find yourself excited and looking forward to new things. Can you imagine that?